It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I am exhausted. I’ve been battling a stubborn cold for two weeks. My live-in mom with dementia is in the middle of the same virus. My spouse is traveling. My kids are joyfully calling for Christmas decorating to begin, and all I can think is, I am BEAT.
Today, after taking my youngest to and from swim practice and feeding everyone a batch of frozen taquitos for lunch, I hit my limit.
I was tired of feeling angry at being constantly on call and feeling chained to my routine house and family life. Tired of feeling intimidated by the perspective of putting on yet another holiday and being everything to everyone. Tired of feeling anxious about this or that world issue.
I used the excuse of returning an Amazon package to escape the chaos and carve out a tiny bubble of alone time. At Whole Foods, I sat with a piece of barely defrosted cake, browsed the aisles without purchasing a single item. Then, I drove half-heartedly to my local farm market to maybe pick up a winter-themed scented candle.
There, I found a Christmas tree. Not my usual 7-foot Fraser fir with its lush, chubby branches, but a smaller, 6-foot tree I could easily carry with one hand. It fit inside my car. No annual family escapade to the tree lot downtown. No extra charges for getting the tree tied to the car roof. The tree was also half the price.
When I got home, my son helped me set the tree in its stand. My kids joyfully decorated it on their own, boxes cleared away without my involvement.
Later, I wanted to bake something sweet but had only a little leftover pumpkin pie filling and a store-bought shell. A skinny pie emerged. It tasted just fine. Dinner was Thai takeout. The kids were playing video games with their Santa hats on.
Later, my daughter sighed with comfort while stretched out on the couch: “Mommy, I love this, it’s so cozy”.
This isn’t my usual hustle-and-bustle holiday vibe, but you know what? It’s enough. It’s more than enough.
Finding Your Path of Lesser Effort
As women, especially those of us in the sandwich of caring for kids and aging parents, we often feel like we have to do it all, be all, fill everyone’s needs.
But what if we didn’t? What if we gave ourselves permission to fly low, to do less, and to allow the universe to carry some of the weight?
Allow our loved ones fill some of their own needs? Be OK with less to experience more?
If you are in this boat and, like me today, are feeling DONE, here are some ways to embrace the art of doing less this holiday season:
1. Visualize What You Really Want
Take a moment to imagine your ideal holiday season. Not the Pinterest-perfect one, but one that genuinely feels good.
How do you want to feel? What is the most important thing for your family during the holiday?
And, what is the absolute minimum that needs to happen in order to make that a reality? When you’re clear about what matters most, you can let go of the rest.
2. Let the Universe Fill in the Doing
Trust that things don’t have to be perfect to be joyful. The skinny pie tastes just as sweet. The smaller tree shines just as bright. Let go of the mental resistance to “less”.
Allow “good enough” to do its magic. You may be surprised how amazing it may turn out.
3. Delegate, Simplify, and Outsource
- Frozen meals and takeout can be a lifesaver. If you are feeling guilty about feeding your family chicken nuggets and fries from the freezer, pair them with a bed of greens or some cut up veggies. Whip some real cream to top the store-bought pie. Or not.
- Kids love to help: Give them the reins on decorating, wrapping, or baking. Accept that the result is out of your control. More often than not, they will surprise you with what they can do. It’s also a great way to pass on the reins and help the kids feel invested in preparing the holiday celebration.
- Simplify traditions: Trade multi-course meals for a simple, one-course dinner. A sheet pan chicken with roasted vegetables is a crowd pleaser at any time of year. And, you can scale it up to two pans. This one that I make often.
4. Create Tiny Moments of Rest
Give yourself pockets of downtime to recharge. Eat a slice of cake by yourself. Browse the aisles. Stop by your local library. Go for a drive. Go for a walk with a good audiobook in your headphones. Feeling guilty? Do it anyway.
5. Accept the Guilt
If you do what I’m recommending above, you will likely feel guilty. See if you can accept the guilt for the time being. I recently tried having a conversation with my own guilt about holiday lights. It went like this:
Guilt: You should hang the lights outside the house. The kids love them. You are slacking off. This is how the kids stop feeling the magic and turn into sad teenagers.
Me: Oh OK. It’s cold, though. I don’t want to do this and I don’t think it’s essential to the holiday spirit. If the kids want the lights, they can hang them up.
Guilt: But still…
Me: It’s OK. I’m OK with guilty feelings. I won’t hang the lights and we’ll see what happens.
Guilt: Oh.
I still haven’t hung the lights. Best of all, my acceptance made the guilt subside. I think it has something to do with negative emotions deriving energy from resistance. Acceptance dissolves them. Give it a try!
For Further Inspiration
Much of this work is the emotional and spiritual process of allowing and letting go. Books are great for shifting your mindset enough for the process to begin. Here are some books that may be helpful:
- “Essentialism” by Greg McKeown: A guide to focusing on what truly matters and letting go of what doesn’t.
- “Effortless” by Greg McKeown: Learn how to make life easier by working smarter, not harder.
- “The Path of Least Resistance” by Robert Fritz: Discover how to align your life with the natural flow of creativity.
- “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach: Embrace life as it is and let go of resistance.
This holiday season, let’s redefine “festive”. Let’s do less. Let’s fly low, simplify, and lean into joy that flows effortlessly. After all, isn’t that what the season is all about?
